Space Datacenters: What's the Point and Why Bother?

Google's Space Datacenters: Are We Officially Living in a Sci-Fi Dystopia?

Okay, Google wants to launch freakin' datacenters into space. Project Suncatcher? Sounds like something straight out of a bad sci-fi novel. But hey, at least it's not another freakin' Metaverse.

The Insanity of Space-Based Servers

Eighty satellites, packed tighter than sardines in a can, orbiting 400 miles above us. Powered by solar panels that are supposedly eight times more efficient than the ones down here. Transmitting data via light beams. It's all so... Bond villain-esque. And Elon's in on it too? Of course he is. Gotta get his Starlink satellites even MORE intrusive. Can't wait for the day I can't see the night sky anymore because it's just a wall of freakin' satellites.

They're saying it's about the rising demand for AI and the carbon emissions from Earth-based datacenters. Okay, fine. But are we really solving a problem or just moving it to a place where we can't see it? Out of sight, out of mind, right? Typical tech bro logic.

And what about the astronomers? They're already losing their minds over the light pollution from existing satellites. This is just gonna make it worse. Are we really gonna sacrifice our ability to study the universe so Google can train its next-gen AI to write even more terrible poems? I mean, come on. According to Google plans to put datacentres in space to meet demand for AI - The Guardian, the company is aiming to meet the growing demand for AI processing power.

Intuitive Machines: The Lunar Gamble

Speaking of space cowboys, Intuitive Machines is dropping $800 million to acquire Lanteris Space Systems. $450 million in cash and $350 million in stock. That's a lotta freakin' money for a company that just posted a $10 million net loss.

And Advent International LLC? Never heard of 'em. But they manage over $100 billion? Suddenly, it all makes sense. Rich guys playing with rockets. It's the new "office space," I guess.

But let's be real. Intuitive Machines has been killin' it lately. They actually landed on the freakin' moon... twice! Since when did space travel become so, dare I say, routine? They even got a software development certification for Lunar Terrain Vehicle operations. What the hell is a Lunar Terrain Vehicle, anyway? Sounds like something out of Space Marine 2.

They've got potential awards for lunar delivery and operations, a $4.6 billion contract. Billion. With a "B." And another CLPS mission. So maybe, just maybe, they know what they're doing. Or maybe they're just really good at selling snake oil to investors. I honestly can't tell anymore.

Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe this is the future. Maybe space-based datacenters are the only way to keep up with the AI arms race. Maybe I should just shut up and embrace the inevitable sci-fi dystopia. But honestly...

The Cost of Progress in Outer Space

Falling launch costs are supposed to make this all cost-competitive by the mid-2030s. Seriously? We're pinning our hopes on launch costs falling? That's like saying we're gonna solve climate change by inventing a magic space heater. It sounds good, but it's based on a whole lot of wishful thinking.

And what about the environmental impact of launching all this crap into orbit? All those rocket launches can't be good for the atmosphere. And what happens when these satellites break down? Space junk? More problems for future generations to deal with. Thanks, Google.

I mean, let's be real, this is all just a giant experiment. A grand, expensive, potentially disastrous experiment. And we're all just along for the ride. Strapped into our seats, hurtling towards the unknown. Maybe it'll be amazing. Maybe it'll be a complete freakin' disaster. I don't know. And honestly, I'm not sure anyone does.

Is This REALLY Progress?